Feeling kinda of down lately...
Not a single simple cause for it, yet I do know that there are no true nature of causes of suffering as taught by Buddha _/|\_
Back to my problems
1. FYP stress... ---> Due to haven really sit down to plan everything properly yet, cum i want to finish it early (so i can attempt internship) so giving myself unnecessary stress, esp when my labwork is tedious
2. School Work ---> Buts that's common. Failing a recent test certainly doesn't help much...
3. BS ---> nothing much to elab, a lot of factors, and a lot are caused by me... Hope they can be resolve soon. Yesterday helped out at open house. Asked Cindy to accompany me to outside of the hall, since i'm doing the packing up slot, so not much pple ard liao, might as well make full use by distributing outside. So while we were distributing, i noticed some interesting response -->
resp 1 - It-is-a-joke response: "Hah? Buddhist society?" Giggling, then walk off
resp 2 - Not a resp, but an observation. I notice Cindy had much better yuan with guys than girl. Gals tend to ignore her. ahahaha
resp 3 - Take the sweets (from cindy), take my paper and putinto whatever bag they have, w/o reading it. Come to think of it, I do that also, so... hahaha, that's one of the most common response.
resp 4 - interested ones. "Huh? There is a Buddhist Society? You mean it is a CCA? Cool, interesting etc. So what do you all do?" These are the ones that make me feel my time there was worthwhile. Hope I have planted some good seeds in them... _/|\_
4. MC members ---> Had to attend a briefing on Vesak Day. Was disappointed someone din go with me. When i was there, I realise I had to present our ideas for Vesak day. wait, WHAT IDEAS??? I wasn't there for the past two meetings with STIBS. Projects, where are you??? But stil managed, although i'm very ashamed at our level of involvement, to give some insights. But kind to think of it, I wasn't really on about this Vesak thing till the meeting, when it really struck me the intention to reach out to the youths could have a very deep impact for Buddhism here, and they really need our support. Anyway, i was a bit disgusted, when Sohan called me the next day, which is after we had packed up after Open house, and i was in Lab, to play pool, with erm hem, no one else then the few who had dun want to go with me to the Vesak Meeting. But issit that I can't compare lidat? Anyway mind getting very muddled these days, more than ever :S
5. MC members ---> Planed to had our long overdue meeting, wanted to seek some views and suggestion from our MC, but not much response (on msn). Till someone else came in and talk abt some trivial stuff and suddenly there was a lot of replies. And yeah, someone mentioned something which i supposedly said (but I did not). Of cos, my attempt to clarify was taken as an ego response, which was probably true anyway, but wosh, someone managed to found the correct vers of what i said and cut and paste back in the conversation (dunno whether as an attempt to show that i'm wrong or what), of cos, which I further pointed out that I DID NOT SAY THAT. Well, maybe Cindy meant well but certainly saying something like "you shld let go of your ego" does not help. Come to think of it, in such situation, it is best not to make insensitive suggestion like that. Of course everyone knows that we shld let go of our ego, but not w/o addressing why the person feels this way, and definitely you are going to create defensive reaction from the person, and negative thoughts. Unless I'm really that well-trained, which of course, I'm not, and I guess most people aren't.
Anyway that's my current mental state now. Pissed... It doesn't help that i'm not feeling good these days, or well-tempered, although i must admit these are really quite trivial stuff, (of cos except the inherent MC problem), esp my responses. May I grow in wisdom, practise harder and more frequent, and may all beings be well and happy ... _/|\_
