Dreaming (still) ...

Was chatting on the phone with a pretty close friend of mine (or rather, used to be pretty close). It was her birthday yesterday. Had been wanted to call her since afternoon, when i remembered it is her birthday. But then i keep pushing it later, wanted to call her when i'm more free, so can have a longer chat with her, but then my lab end sooo late, i had to ask Machan to 'ta-bao' for me. He insisted on giving me a treat, even though i insisted on not to. But really thanks to him, it was a pretty nice packed dinner, really king size...... Enough to make up for the fact i din had lunch... THANK YOU MACHAN!!!

Back to the call, i overstayed at Machan room and had to climbed the pgp gate, with Machan's help. When I reached home it was 12 plus and I remembered the call and was like 'oh shit!!!' Damn, same as last year, it was belated liao... Haiz, better belated than nvr. Anyway had a really nice long chat with her. Felt an uplift in spirits straightaway. Even showed her my newly picked guitar skills, sang the chorus of '忘了', my very first song 'there in my heart', whom she had help me arranged and was my guitarist, and finally, '又到了夏日时候'. She like it very much and said it lifted her spirits while listening to it, though she can't catch the lyrics. Going to send her the song.

I wonder if she's gonna ask me who's the person in the song that i had written. Better not, else quite paiseh to say that those two songs were both inspired by her. Back then i remember we were quite close. We both like Faye, and '扑火', a pretty unknown song of Faye, was one of our favorite. I remembered i had always pestered her to sing the song through the phone to me, among other songs. Simply love her voice and her singing... Oops... When i had composed the first song, i quickly called her to share with her.

I don't really like to talk much about myself back then, so when my father passed away, only two of my friends i confided in. One is Sean, and another is her. Din plan it this way, but i think the saying that when something happens, the first person(s) you contact showed their importance to you is true. I must really thank her for being there for an important period in my life. All the best to her teaching career at TPJC as a GP teacher...

Oh ya, I always call her 霞妹 har moi (pronounced in Hakka, she is a Hakka too, but she will always 'OEI' when i call her that...) So fun, but must clarify, it is not a love story, there wasn't anything at all but just an memorable past... Hopefully she don't get to read my blog too... Unlikely, since none of my secondary school friends know i have this blog. Phew...

Bodhi Big Walk

Haiz wanted to write this entry since last night, but now, after typing so much, will just publicise a bit.

NUSBS will be helping out as Road Marshals, together with NTUBS. Includes,
1. Route Marshals
2. Water point + distribution of lucky draw tickets
3. Old folks team, accompany the old folks to walk a much shorter route, interact with them
4. Bus guide team at Bedok interchange, to lead people to the shuttle service
5. General Setup

It will be held on 17th July, in conjunction with Dhamma Day. Organised by Buddhist Library. I need volunteers. Though exact work scope haven been split and assigned yet, please let me know if you can/interested to help out. I need a rough gauge of how many volunteers we can give from NUSBS side. Please help to spread the message.

Riki asked me a gd question last night when i asked him why NTUBS had no rep at the meeting. Actually i was asking myself the same qn even when I was at the meeting, about the aim of the walk. What do we hope to acheive? Actually to be very honest, i felt that the walk is an event that can be scrapped, especially since Vesak was not too long ago and each society have their FOC to plan with. Cum the fact they seemed to assume each TIBS will be helping doesn't seem a very correct approach to take. It does not raised much funds for BL, and certainly Dharma elements seem to be minimal...

And the meeting was draggy and a bore for all TIBS, since we can't really be involved in the planning... So basically it is hearing them discussing about their family businesses... Only some parts are relevant to us. And i was tired. In fact i'm very tired recently by my school work. But what perk me up was Bhante's witty remarks and his involvement. At such an age and such reputation, i admired his zest in his outreaching work, especially being a Theravadan monk. He is definitely a venerable to be respected.

So i'm quite on about the walk for a few main reasons:
1. Respect for Bhante and thanks to BL for lending us location quite often.
2. Friendship with young Bhante
3. Raise funds for both BL and NUSBS. Though Bhante said all the donations each TIBS collected will go to themselves, after discussion with Isen, we both agree it shld be split.
4. Not much activities i can help organise before i step down. Esp so since i'm not involved in CEP. Let this be last few burst of fire...
5. Though not very meaningful, at least these are not harmful activities, if you get what i mean... Can promote family bonding and creating awareness for Buddhist Library...

I guess these are good enough reasons... So i'll need lotsa of support. If anyone is interested in taking over as the main coordinator from NUSBS just let me know... Will be glad to let u have the joy.

Posted by Zeathereal at 2:02 AM | Permalink

Stomach a bit rumbling now. The type of feeling i get which i know will give me a stomache the next morning. IBS i call it. Anyway i know that i will sleep late tonight and wake up in morning tmr, and doing will more or less increase my IBS occurence. Mabbe i shld really go get the fybrogel Lena's boyfriend recommend.

Yesterday night was one of those times i 'chatted' with myself again. Like what Lena told me b4, they do that, in their blog, to keep themselves 'sane', but unlike her, i din put it down in my blog, at least, not for everyone to see, but it kinda of make u reflect and analyse yourself. It does helps a bit...

No thanks to my mum, i barely had a few hrs of sleep today. She woke me up at 7 plus. Had to accompany her to the bus station to help her get ticket to go KL. After which i left for school directly.

I came back, rest for a while (= sleep) and go on to meet my friend at bugis to return her some stuffs. Wah, she had 变大只 liao, evident of her training in OCS. Only had time to chat for a while only, after which i rushed to meet sin, santo and sohan at harbour front. heehee, i suggested this location cos i din want a place too far away from my home. The food was so-so, desserts were damn ex, and sohan insisted on watching american idol there so we had to find a place to watch.

Kinda of tired now, but wanna watch the soccer match badly. I hope acmilan win!!! Hope i can survive... Haven been meditating. Shall go n do that now...

Posted by Zeathereal at 1:56 AM | Permalink

Was looking forward to a great day of fun with the MC pple, but with some last minute planning and lousy coordination by Isen(=p) and put paper aeroplane by sohan, end up i was alone. Waiting only for Gordon to come. Luckily i jio-ed sin and santo to come over.

Initially it was pretty dry, watching animes. I suggested detective conan, cos i wanna watch, but santo can't read chinese and sin was falling asleep, so we change to some more 'violent' ones which sin had with him. Not bad, Bleach and MAR. Think i will start downloading them... We also sang some songs in-between.

The highlight of the day was when we started recording our singing. It was really quite fun, especially those irritating moments when the phone rang, or when my mum opened the door, which was all recorded. Those who want to hear our recording, which includes mostly bs songs, and my song, can go gmail, username: sohan.pics
Get the password from me bah...

Felt a slight lift in spirit. Thankful for some good company to make my break worthwhile...

ps: vincent, sorry for putting yr photos. really sorry about it...

Posted by Zeathereal at 2:55 AM | Permalink

The photos are up at here

Didn't really do a lot during the two days at vesak at PKS. We have a combined booth this year and spaces are really scarce for us to
1. Set up combined sign up booth for STIBS
2. Promotional stuffs for CEP n CNS
3. Promotional stuffs for Bodhi Big Walk
4. To sell stuffs for nusbs

Wasn't really that interested in helping YM to distribute their stuffs so end up quite lobo, cos business wasn't really that good. The most motivating part was when they need someone to go and collect back flyers from Panna Youth Centre at the main gate of PKS and i volunteered my service immediately, together with ChunKiang, who was volunteered. We then talk a bit about PYC on the way walking to the main gate. Though it was quite straining on my voice to shout continously for 2 hrs, there was a certain sense of satisfaction in my job, in minimising contact of those who went to PKS with PYC. Deep down though, i know it can't be said for sure who's wrong or right.

While boarding bus 13 outside Bishan mrt, someone tap me on the shoulder and smile at me. I just couldn't remember who is he though i definitely know him. After we boarded the bus, i sat down beside him and both of us were pondering who the hell is each other. Schools came out and finally army and he was the one who remember me first, as the company medic. Oh ya, i remembered him cos he was those fit and have positive attitude one. Too bad commando din want him and he is working at osim now. Wah, if i were him and i saw someone i barely know, not to mentioned can't remember exactly, i will most likely leave that person alone. But glad he called out to me...

Posted by Zeathereal at 12:42 PM | Permalink

Thanks for concern of some of my friends. Really appreciate it.

A close friend went to fetch me to school today, and i have gordon to fetch me back. wahahhaa...

Even mr guagua ask me what's wrong and gabriel sms me. Thanx to them and the following: agga+ananda+sean+gillian+gordon+vincent+meteoriz+Wj+++

Today received news from my mentor that my co-supervisor don't allow me to buy P4VP cos it is too ex. Sorta expected it, so actually din feel that bad. In fact i felt better after clarifying with my mentor the progress of my expt. It really helps talking to someone whom you know will be able to understand what you are talking about...

Posted by Zeathereal at 10:32 AM | Permalink

Just came back from Orchard. After packing up, some of us went for movie screening at cineleisure for 'Kingdom of Heaven'. Not very interested in such show. LOTR trilogy was good, wasn't interested in Troy either but went to watch nonetheless so i found myself watching yet another period show. Orlando Bloom...

Anyway though the show leaves much to be desired when compared to LOTR, i quite enjoyed it, as in i found the historical parts quite interesting. And i understand a bit more about the crusade. Always heard this term b4 though nvr really found out much about it.

But the show ended at close to 12 and by the time i was at the bus stop, I only have 65 to take... 16 was gone a few minutes earlier. So i waited and took the last 65 for the night (the person boarding with me asked the driver) and drop at Geylang East Police station. As i was preparing to walk home, I suddenly remember the busstop have 154, which came from Boon Lay, which can take me a few bus stops down where i'm walking. I estimate, base on 30 which came from boon lay also, that there is still buses left for 154. I decide to wait for 5 mins, becos i was uncertain of my assumption. When 6 mins was up, i sigh and told myself to make a move, and not to look back even if the bus came, cos the next stop was quite far away, i can't possibly catch it. But i just knew that it will happen, 154 will come and i will be damn tui.... Yes it happenned and i was pissed with myself for not waiting for a little while longer.

If i had continue to wait, and the bus never came, i will be labelled a stubborn and ignorant fool. If i left and the bus came, I will be an impatient man who does not believe in myself. So the trick is to have a reasonable waiting time for the bus. But what is reasonable? ...

Anyway i din walk for too long, ard 20 mins. And when i reached my side finally, the gate was spoilt and the notice informed us to use the front gate a distance away. Without even thinking twice i scoff at it and climbed over the fence within seconds. Yes, i just discovered yet security vulnerability...

Met chilong's friend at the booth today. He was with vincent lim. He called himself Dave. I learn that they were from the same unit in army. Anyway he must have been the person vincent told me the other time whom i had supposed impressed during a little discussion on Christianity on the mrt. Wow, i can't really remember that though.. Ahaha, must have been during one of those trips when we were together on the mrt with chilong. Was quite surprise to see that he was so interested in Buddhism. Mabbe becos he is Chilong's friend and becos of some assumption i had of his appearance. Anyway Dave seems a bit awkward when i tried to talk to him. Must be becos i'm not a friendly person, as i usually wun acknoledge his presence unless chilong is around.

Glad he is willing to leave his contacts with us so readily though. And vincent is quite impressive. At introducing Buddhism to friends through skilful means. Thinking back, i really have not really shared Buddhism to a great extent to my friends. Sin does not really count since he had his close friend as a buddhist guide (though i did bring him into BS). Today my fren came down also, Wee Kiat, also an army friend but did not really did a great job in hosting him. Hope he dun mind...

PS: thanks to *vincent for meeting me for breakfast and sorry for making u wait today.

Posted by Zeathereal at 1:54 AM | Permalink

There are many obstacles I have met with during my life as a student so far but this got to be a real test for me. My mood hit rock bottom again just a few hours ago, when i broke and spill the flask containing my readied beads onto the floor. I fucking only have one more, the last last try (not even one full try left) to make another set of beads for my test.

I shld really really have push for my mentor to get P4VP a couple of weeks ago. I think he din know actually i had not made any progress at all. Now it will be too late. Assuming i can persuade him to get more P4VP, and it will take 1 mth to come, i only have 2 weeks left to do anything with the raw material. That's mission impossible. Unless a miracle happen and I can go get a few grams of P4VP myself...
A few grams will cost $100 but i guess i have no choice now... Alternatively is I have to fake a lot of my results...

Now, i really really really hope whatever i have salvaged from the dirty floor will works. At least, let me get an idea of what conc of bacteria i shld use so that i can get conclusive results... At least, my last batch of beads i will be able to do a complete testing.

I have to clear up the mess and i left close to 11pm. It din help the rain was pouring and i was hungry and damn cold... But it did help when my mum came to fetch me at the busstop with an umbrella and I had some dinner with hot soup.

Can i survive this test?

Posted by Zeathereal at 12:26 AM | Permalink

I must have been feeling rather stress lately for my IBS to keep occuring...

Tiredz...

This is not working. No more BS after this week. I need to conc fully on FYP. So many things need to understand and do. I shall ignore all those things regarding Bodhi Big Walk

Posted by Zeathereal at 1:50 AM | Permalink

Went for a 3 days chalet at PA chalet, uninvited. Dunno why I ended up staying overnight, for two nights.

Yesterday was quite fun at the KTV. Bein Siong, me, Kim sim, Puay Hong, Vincent, and Kimberly went to K-Box at tampines. Kim Sim can really sing well, so does puay hong and Vincent. And Vincent sound super like Ah-Du. The rest of us all thought so. Super-like. Although, he doesn't seem to really think it is a compliment... hmmm...

No one was staying back at the chalet so i said I'll stay back with Kim Sim, and of course, Vincent stayed back too. SO in the end, it is only 3 GUYS 浪漫 together in the chalet on the final night!!! It happened 2 yrs ago too, during the chalet at east coast, where my classmates super off, and all dun want to stay, and end up only me, wenyan and another classmate who book tha place stay.

But anyway these past few days 让我感触蛮多的，也不知道怎么说。。。Brought back some nice memories. Those activities in the night, those secondary school chalets and of course, those late cycling trips with Sin... Haiyah, pity his bike is stolen, esp since now we live even closer together...

Really glad to have this unexpected break. Somehow strangely my sore throat or cough seems to got better, and my knee too, less pain now... Now trying to write songs again. IT has been a long long time since i can come up with something satisfactory... Mabbe I just dun have the talent to write songs. Hopefully i can come up with more songs... Trying to fill in a tune for puayhong lyrics just now, mabbe wasn't what he wanted, hopefully i can come up with something good later...

Posted by Zeathereal at 10:37 PM | Permalink

This afternoon i wake up and my runny nose and phlegm seems to worsen a bit. So decided to make my wy to school, since it is free, to see the doctor. Actually my main aim is to see what's wrong with my knee and i dun really care about the flu and cough.

Went back the same doctor which i had consulted with before i went for the myanmar trip. He asked me today, abt the purpose of my trip. Did i have any problems etc. Anyway I find him a bit weird. Sure, he sounded caring but i think a bit kpo. Anyway he seems quite interested to noe so just told him whatever he wanted to know. After which he digged up my status in the buddhist society in the school, and he seems a bit like Wah, wah and so on...

Questions surfaced like no one have ever explained christainity to you b4? I replied with i was from a christian school, and he was like 'but have you given christianity a chance?" Shit i shld have replied with 'have you given Buddhism a chance too?" like what joseph suggest. Anyway he mentioned something like it will be difficult to convert me anyway (since i'm the president of the society) but he just hope i will give Christianity a chance)...

Anyway he commented that my knees seems alright, at least according to his testing. He suggest i rub some onintment and it shld be alright soon. Of not go find him again. Actually i sorta believed that the knees are alright too, cos not quite possible to seriously injured both yr knees at the same time. But anyway it really hurts... :(

Posted by Zeathereal at 2:00 AM | Permalink

My cashew nuts are gone!!! 3 possibilities:
1. Someone finished it up within 2 days.
2. My mum gave it away
3. I was dreaming about the whole casher nuts thing...
drats...

Just had an MC meeting at BL. Was beginning to feel more and more at ease during meetings. Especially at BL. I think the good atmosphere there certainly help. In fact i was sitting and standing in all sorts of 'improper' position, really treating it like my home, haha... Not bad, managed to discussed most of the things i want to discuss. Cool. Kudos to the MC members for good attendance.

A while after i had reached home and bathe, one of the MC members, X, called me to explain the situation, the problems. had a long chat with X after that. Hmmm, how can I solve this problem? Especially when I was a discreditor of X performance too. Sigh...

Had a long chat with vincent on msn after that. He certainly seems to be quite high profile. Quite a number of our MC members know about him liao, apart from the fact he turned up for exam dinner, evident when his name was brought up during the meeting, for successorship.

One of the very first thing i asked was about his buddhism background. Surprised me when i heard he got to know about Buddhism through Cindy's blog! Wah, well done! Spreading the Dharma through the blog. But from my conversation with him about how he thinks differently from other people, albeit a bit shock, his thoughts are really quite buddhistics, and quite ideal, i would say, for anyone to have. Eg: "i believe tt if one of our loved one has passed. Thou sad, but we shld celebrate the happiness n joy this person has brought to us during his living... We shld cry so hard cos it wun bring him back,.. instead we shld b commenerate him by celebrating his temendous joy that he has given us.." He was supposed to be overly-matured. In this sense, he can't be more different than me. I feel that my thinking are too childish and naive, and people always feel that i'm matured, more knowledgeable, evident from the tv game show i took part with my frens a few years back. Mabbe i just don't express myself well.

Back to vincent. We shared a bit on Buddhism and though not shock, he certainly had quite radicals views, especially on nibbana. All paths lead to nibbana. Sounds familiar to what Lena wrote in her blog but certainly not my thinking. Well, i'm a theravadanist (if there is such a word) and I feel that there are simply some areas in Buddhism where beyond words can express. Faith plays a important role and you just gotta stick strictly to what Buddha taught. Some ideals, like other traditions, sounds really good to the people, but ... ANyway i thought that we might be talking about the same thing though in different way...

I really like this quote from him, in response to a statement i made "wn someone possess a differing view, wn someone holds on to attachments. we think tat. " they r too clouded by delusions". but never seek to understand how they feel..."

Another quote "my thinking is always grey.... never a comfirm ans i think thre is... but so far i think buddhism has provided a very nice guide... tts y i liked its nature of being a guide... i think thres a reason y buddha set it in tis way... its a guide, and u hav to walk the path yrself..." Well, surprising how people can interpret the grey area differently, but i agree with him on the walking the path yourself and hapiness. So we might be talking abt the same thing in essence again.

Hee, an analysis was made wrt to my personality and wah, he sound exactly like gordon!!! Especially about they felt i'm creating a barrier around myself. Think they will make good friends with each other. Like his take on friendship. Interesting person. Shall not quote too much. Seems like intruding his privacy. Just one more "ya. i always belived in u dun need to know and understand a friend. Wat u need to know n understand r ppl u dun regard as a friend..."

Great chat. Specially like the part when i share one of my silly thoughts when i was young. Lolz... Anyway i feels my ability to express myself in words really sux, even in msn. Not to mention my Dharma knowledge. Sighz... This guy goes to sutta studies while i have only attend SSG at the most 5 times in my NUS life.

Posted by Zeathereal at 2:37 AM | Permalink

Make an unexpected visit yesterday to find young bhante. Earlier Sin came over to my place for his regular sunday workout (Gordon say he will be coming but dunno where is he... hmmm...). After some dily-dallying, some discussion about vesak day and guitar-cum-singing session (he was my second victim in two days; after IS!), we finally make our way to sim lim to look at some stuffs. I was helping my friend look for speakers but apparently couldn't find the model he wanted. Have to email him to seek for alternatives. Sin was looking at LCD monitor, as part of his plans to upgrade his PC set.

Back to IS. That guy is sooo funny and unbelievably kiddish. I was laughing throughout lunch when he told me he got lost in NUS looking for a way out to the bus-stop at the expressway. After hunting to and fro near the bushes, he decide it was too embarassing (people were looking at him) and gave up the idea of taking bus 97. LoL... Anyway at my place, he was very choosy and refuse to record a song until he had found a song he like and i can play. Well, we chose for a few hours but couldn't find one. Luckily i did a secret recording of him singing ehipassiko. It did not meant to be secret, just that i din realise he din realise i was recording. Well, all those threats came in but nah, i'm not going to delete it. heeheehee... In fact, i find his singing quite nice leh, dunno why he's so picky. Anyway IS just conveniently lie on my bed and fell asleep after that! Hmmm, sweaty and firty! eeeks!!! Remind me of somebody... (Hope he doesn't read this. He will surely really kill me after i have showed his singing to so many people, although i nvr send them the file. Just thru phone. Ahahhahah)

Back to BL visit. Kinda of strange din have any news of young bhante for 2 months liao. He din reply my last sms back then in Mar, so decide to pay him a visit. Well, he was really in and we had quite a long chat. Heehee, we hardly talk about the dharma anyway, just like a friend chat, and when i decide it is time for me to make a move, he surprise me by saying he wanted to pass me something again. Aiyo, i was damn embarass and quite adamant in telling him not to, but he say give a chance to make merit to his maths teacher. Shucks, he then rushed up the lift. I was pondering whether to make my exit but i decide against it. It will be quite rude to... The gifts were cashew nuts and ceylon tea. Exactly the same as last time, but of different kinds. not bad!

My knees are still hurting. And now, back is aching too. I hope they are fine... Sigh... Dukkha!

Posted by Zeathereal at 1:24 AM | Permalink